Facing Reality

Sadie in her owl costume on Halloween.

The morning after Sadie's diagnosis, I remember awakening and hoping that the previous day was all a dream. But I quickly had to face the reality that it wasn't. Coming to terms with reality can be a difficult task for parents of special needs children. It's been particularly difficult lately as Sadie has been struggling in so many areas.

We've already faced some pretty tough realities - that our little girl may never walk, talk, or develop like a normal child. But for a long period of time, she was still making gains. She smiled, she held a toy for a short time, she swatted at beads on her toy bar, she rolled over for the first time at 18 months! While these might sound like small, insignificant gains to others, they were HUGE for us - and for Sadie.

I always try my hardest to stay positive, but the simple truth is she no longer does many of these things. Things that we once took for granted - like bringing her hands together, holding and grasping a toy, mashing her little hands against her face, swallowing food, sucking on a bottle. We've had to come to terms that these skills might be lost.

Who knows why she has regressed in some areas. Maybe it's the burden of multiple seizures (now over 20 per day) catching up with her. Maybe it's an unfortunate side effect of the two brain surgeries. Maybe it's just the nature of her getting bigger and it being more difficult to move her body around. Whatever it is, it hurts my heart deeply.



This is what a G-Tube looks like.

Recently, we've had to accept the fact that she needs a feeding tube. Every parent has their own hot button - something that is particularly difficult to accept. For some, it's the wheelchair, or the trach, for us...it was the G-Tube. Her recent swallow study confirmed that Sadie's swallow isn't strong enough to get all her calories orally. The news didn't come as a huge surprise to us. After all, she has had the temporary NG tube in place for almost 6 months now.

The G-Tube procedure will be done at the end of this month. It pains me that she will undergo yet another surgery this year. But we know that for her health, it's what she needs. On a positive note, we'll never worry about dehydration or getting her medicines. I also learned that you can vent a g-tube, allowing gas to expel directly out of the stomach...who knew? When people ask about it, I tell them it looks like the plug for an inflatable pool toy. I suppose it's a natural way to feed, after all, we all fed that way in utero, right?

The "wobble switch" recommended for Sadie.

Despite my melancholy about the hiccup with her development, Sadie has been keeping busy with her weekly aqua therapy sessions. If she would only keep her eyes open in the warm therapy pool. (She seems to think it's a bubble bath.) 

She also underwent an augmentative communication clinic at our local Easter Seals branch. They recommended a few low tech communication devices for her as well as a wobble switch. The switch can be used to activate toys, play music, make choices, etc. It is easily activated by any movement of her hand or arm.

So, while there are a few good things happening in Sadie Land...it's been difficult lately to see the forest for the trees.