A Dose of Honesty

Recently, I received a Facebook message from a family who was considering adopting a newborn baby with Aicardi Syndrome. I don't know why the biological parents were giving up their daughter. Perhaps it was a decision they made before they realized this baby would have medical complications. Hopefully, it was not a decision made after the fact.

It struck me as amazing that there are people out there who would actually VOLUNTEER for this life. I came to the conclusion that this family must be truly special to accept a child with such severe special needs. As hard as it is to admit, if given the choice, I honestly can't say I would do the same.

It doesn't mean I don't love my precious Sadie for the special little baby she is. However, as she gets older and her disabilities are more visible, I struggle with how to respond to questions about her. After seeing Sadie in her baby wheelchair with an oxygen tank and pulse oximeter underneath, a man in the store asked "What's wrong with her?" I was taken aback. He likely was not aware of the insensitivity of his question. I stopped in mid-aisle and stood there for a few seconds, unsure of what to say. I finally uttered quietly, "Oh, she just needs a little oxygen," and scurried away before he could ask anything else. After thinking it through, a simple explanation "She has a rare neurological condition called Aicardi Syndrome," would have sufficed.

We did not ask for this life. Sometimes I feel like the deer-in-the-headlights cartoon character who is the only one in line who didn't take a step back. When people say "I don't know how you do it." I simply respond, "She is my daughter. You would do the same."

For the past few days, Sadie has been off the oxygen. She needed it, again, for a few weeks post-hospital. We have also seen some improvement with her seizure activity after a recent Dilantin increase. However, she is restless, not sleeping, and not eating very well. (Which means Mommy and Daddy are averaging about 4 hours of sleep a night.) If it's not one thing, it's another.

As for this special family and their unselfish desire to adopt this precious baby, the biological parents ultimately chose another adoptee family for the baby. I can only hope this special child went to a family who will cherish her for the beautiful angel she is.

Perspective Redefined - Part 2

It's been a while since Adin and I attended the Aicardi Family Conference last July. I think we needed some reflection time before being able to properly communicate our experience. The Aicardi Syndrome Foundation hosts this bi-annual conference for families affected by Aicardi Syndrome. As fate would have it, it just so happened to be three weeks after Sadie was diagnosed, and in the western Chicago suburbs.

We received a call from another mother encouraging us to go. We weren't sure if we were ready to face this reality, but decided that it would definitely be helpful for us to learn more about this new world we were about to enter.

I still remember our first day at the conference. Pulling into the hotel parking lot, I had ideas of what I might see - lots of handicapped vehicles, girls in wheelchairs - my heart was beating out of my chest as we entered the registration room. Everywhere we looked, there were girls affected by the Syndrome who seemed very limited in their abilities. Many were unable to walk, speak, hold their heads up independently...it was very emotional for both of us. As another new parent so appropriately put it,"It's like looking into a crystal ball...but you don't like what you're seeing."

We were greeted with open arms by the families. We were so grateful to attend this conference and learn more about Aicardi Syndrome, as well as the many issues that we will be dealing with as Sadie gets older - advocacy, special needs trusts, therapies, specialized equipment, etc. But most of all, it gave us a support group of familes going through the same thing. We met some great people who we will keep in touch with for many years.

When you're raising a disabled child, your perspective of others with disabilites is quickly adjusted. By the end of the three-day conference, I realized that I was no longer seeing these children in terms of what they could NOT do, and instead was seeing what they COULD do.

Perspective redefined.

Shortly after Sadie was diagnosed with Aicardi Syndrome, I remember thinking that there couldn't be anything worse than this disease...daily seizures, possibility of regression, a child who may not walk/talk, and a cognitive ability of 6 months to a year of age. This assumption was challenged last week when I attended my first moms support group.

The group is for mothers who have children with rare and life-limiting conditions. One woman's story in particular stuck with me. Her daughter was diagnosed with a rare condition called Batten's Disease. It is a degenerative illness where the body gradually breaks down. Her daughter developed normally until the age of 3 1/2, and is now quickly declining.

It was the first time that I realized how lucky we are that Sadie "only" has Aicardi Syndrome. I don't spend much time feeling sorry for myself or our situation, but not a day goes by that I don't wish Sadie's prognosis was different. However, to witness your child slowly deteriorate must be the worst kind of pain. It's all about perspective.

Sadie has been on her new seizure medication, Depakote, for a few weeks now. I'm sorry to say that we haven't seen much improvement. I feel like we're fighting a battle against the seizures. Occasionally they'll retreat, but then once they learn our tactics, they come back stronger. We're still on the medication merry-go-round and hope that we will find something that works very soon.

Despite the lack of seizure control, our little girl is growing like crazy. Sadie is now 7 1/2 months old and is already growing out of her 12 month clothes! She is in the 95th percentile for height and weight. She will start speech and feeding therapy next week. We've also enrolled her in one extra session of physical therapy so she gets some additional time working on her gross motor skills.

She also had another bout of trouble with her eye. Seems she picked up a virus last week in her eye, so we're again on daily eye drops to clear it up. I joke with her Opthomologist that we should get a frequent visitors card.

Sadie is still enjoying her solid foods. She likes her fruits the best, and I swear I heard her say "YUM" while eating her bananas.

We're looking forward to the holidays and getting to enjoy some good relaxation time with friends and family.

What does it mean for Sadie? The hard truth and the possibilities.

Most people are aware that Sadie has been diagnosed with Aicardi Syndrome. However, most people are not aware of what this means for Sadie. As difficult as it has been for us to come to terms with her diagnosis and prognosis, here is the hard truth...

What is it?

Aicardi syndrome is a rare genetic disorder, with approximately 800 reported cases in the US. Aicardi Syndrome affects only girls, with the rare exception of boys with Klinefelter Syndrome (XXY chromosomes).

Aicardi Syndrome's "classic" markers are:

1. Absence of the corpus callosum, either partial or complete (the corpus callosum is the part of the brain which allows the right side to communicate with the left.) Sadie has complete absence of her corpus callosum.
2. Infantile spasms (a form of seizures). Yes, Sadie has these as well.
3. Lesions or "lacunae" of the retina of the eye that are very specific to this disorder. Sadie has a number of lacunae on her right retina. Her left retina contains only a few scars.
4. Other types of defects of the brain such as microcephaly, (small brain); enlarged ventricles; or porencephalic cysts (a gap in the brain where there should be healthy brain tissue). Sadie has cysts in brain as well as a tumor called a choroid plexus papilloma.

What does this mean for Sadie? Or in medical terms - "What's the prognosis?"

At this point, it's very hard to say - as the old saying goes, "time will tell". Symptoms don't usually become pronounced until several months of age, and as of this writing, Sadie is still quite young. Generally-speaking, though, the range of outcomes isn't terribly great.

•Moderate to severe developmental delays
•Eyesight ranging from simply "less acute" to near or even complete blindness. At this point, we believe that Sadie will have good vision in her left eye, but may not have vision in her right.
•Seizures on a regular basis (multiple daily are common)
•Shortened lifespan (median ~18 yrs; average of &10)

Additional complications can sometimes include:

•Scoliosis
•Gastrointestinal & feeding issues
•Respiratory problems

It's possible that Sadie will be non-verbal and may require a wheelchair for mobility. While she is currently eating quite well (see Exhibit A :), Aicardi girls have the possibility for regression, which means any achievements could be forgotten (i.e. her ability to eat, hold her head up, etc.) Many girls with Aicardi are fed via feeding tubes.

What does it mean for Cathy & Adin?

We will continue to have good days and bad days. Sadie's diagnosis has been a good reminder to take things a day at a time, and enjoy life and small achievements. Sadie could surprise us all, or things might go exactly according to "average prognosis". The doctors might end up dead wrong on their diagnosis, or they might end up being exactly right. While it is heartwrenching to write this post, it is the hard truth and we'd rather be prepared then blindsided.

So, we'll continue to take things one day at a time. We'll continue to do everything we can to maximize Sadie's potential, while not placing limits on it. We'll stay positive and be strong and celebrate all Sadie's accomplishments, no matter how small.


P.S. Thanks to Daniel and Kim - another family who is blogging about their daughter Evelyn's experience with Aicardi Syndrome, from whom we borrowed for the format for this post. Click here to read their blog:

Welcome Sadie

We welcomed Sadie Elizabeth McCann into the world on April 29, 2010. On June 18, 2010, Sadie was diagnosed with Aicardi Syndrome, a rare genetic disorder. The following blog will chronicle Sadie's accomplishments, adventures and give updates to friends and family who are interested in her condition. http://www.aicardisyndrome.org/